Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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