The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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