Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
