please come you make the beer taste better
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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