I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
