It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
