hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
