Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
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The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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