Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
