I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
