Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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