STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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