Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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