She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
