Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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