I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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