FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
3 2 1 whiskey
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
