It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
