I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
