Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
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