Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
