he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
