3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
