are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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