eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
