Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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