At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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