Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
