all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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