1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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