White coat. Heels.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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