I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Randomize
