I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
