Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
