i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
