I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
