if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
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When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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