i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
it glows. i had to have it.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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