my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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