But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
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Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
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Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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