Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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