i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
