Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
