You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
even my farts smell like vagina
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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