btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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