I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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