Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
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Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
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The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it