I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.