recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?