i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
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You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
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It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.