NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
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Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
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I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??