im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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