im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
im six kinds of drunk right now
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
40s are totally the cure
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
