no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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