I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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