I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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