I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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