Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
