Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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