Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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