omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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