Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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