My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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