quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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