I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
