Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
