Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
