Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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