Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
