There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Randomize
