I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
