I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
