There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
