super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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