Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize