JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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