i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
