I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
