Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
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Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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