I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
