I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
