Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
